Marjorie R. Barlow, Ph.D.

I am a fan of Don Miguel Ruiz.  We have followed the philosophy in his “Four Agreements” for many years.  Today as a new year begins, it seems fitting to recommend his next book, The Fifth Agreement.  The concept, according to Ruiz and his son Jose, is that everything we do is based on agreements we have made — agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, and with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. With these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.  His idea of agreements corresponds to my notion of beliefs.  Now he is adding an agreement that is dear to my heart.  As an advocate of deep listening, this fifth agreement is right down my alley of beliefs.   I am copying words written in the advertising promotion, which is a quick and easy way to review all five:

First,
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Second,
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Third,
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Fourth,
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Fifth,
BE SKEPTICAL, BUT LEARN TO LISTEN
Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.
The Four Agreements slowly helps you to recover your authentic Self, and the real you starts to awaken. With The Fifth Agreement comes the complete acceptance of yourself just the way you are, and the complete acceptance of everybody else just the way they are. The reward is your eternal happiness. The Fifth Agreement is made with words, of course, but its meaning and intent is beyond the words. The Fifth Agreement is ultimately about seeing your whole reality with the eyes of truth, without words.

Make the Five Agreements your way of life — love yourself, enjoy life, and make your personal world a dream of heaven. And, by changing your world, you are changing the world.

As don Miguel says, “By practicing the Five Agreements, what you are really doing is respecting everything in creation. You are respecting your dream; you are respecting everybody else’s dream. If you use these tools, your effort is really for everyone, because your joy, your happiness, your peace, and your heaven are contagious. When you are happy, the people around you are happy too, and it inspires them to change their own world.”

This way of life is entirely possible, and it’s in your hands. The change begins with you. Why not start now?

My hope is that your 2010 will be the best ever and that you will make good use of anything that promotes your spiral of growth, including this new book, The Five Agreements.

Some thoughts about the Condor, the Eagle, Pachacuti and three new books

The cycles of time as described in myths from South America are called Pachacuti, and each covers approximately 500 years. Columbus discovered the Americas in 1492, which could be seen as a pivotal beginning. The next “pachacuti” would be 1992, and might be thought to be the beginning of the new age where the condor will be invited to fly with the eagle. The condor represents the deep and warm spirituality of the southern hemisphere and the eagle is thought to be a symbol for the materialism of the northern hemisphere. We are ready for some reconciliation between spirituality and materialism.  (The number 5 is important here.  There is another idea formed in Japan recently regarding powerpoint presentations.  They call it “pacha kucha” and it means 20 slides, each 20 seconds long –a six minutes, forty seconds ppt. !!)

My recent visit to South America was deeply rewarding and satisfying. My hosts were warm and welcoming and I felt that warmth and experienced the welcome with heart-felt meaning. Their understanding and compassion came forth in the smiles and physical touch offered by each one individually. I was included and I was honored. The whole trip was gratifying and helpful to me as a human being who is still “incomplete”. I am so glad that I was privileged to experience these feelings. My “bucket” was filled to overflowing.  I am so grateful to all my Interface Flor friends in Argentina and Brazil.  Thank you, each one!

Perhaps our evolutionary movement as a species called “human” is progressing toward more balance between matter and spirit. In our western world in the northern hemisphere of our planet, we are materialists with addictions to things. We procure more “stuff” as if that will bring some sort of spiritual satisfaction. We eat more, gain more weight; and then we spend lots of money trying to lose that weight. I watch at the supermarket and am astounded by the people crowding the aisles with overflowing carts filled with chips, soft drinks, and high fat-empty calorie foods. Our addiction to the white stuff of refined sugar and grains is there to be seen in our fat bodies and our sedentary life styles. Our children prefer computer games to outdoor play. We sit when we could walk or run. On and on, the evidence mounts that we have reached some sort of saturation point.

We build more closet space, buy bigger houses, and rent storage space to hold all our “stuff”. We have “overdosed” on materialism. Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhauerman) says we are the targets of “weapons of mass distraction”.  So, the eagle has flown very high. Now is the time to join the condor, blending our materialistic society with the society of the indigenous natives who are close to the earth and fly with the condor. Change is ahead, for sure.

I am not yet sure how that would translate here in our household. I just know that eating vegetables and fruits is increasingly more satisfying. I also know that the acquisition of yet more stuff is probably not the route to real joy. We are deliberately “down-sizing” and enjoying the simpler life.

I think about the wisdom of our native American forebears and the philosophy they brought to the settlers of the new world that became our United States of America. Studying these tribes and the Andean tribes of South America is like seeing history through new eyes. History is subjective and has been skewed to fit the prevailing zeitgeist of the times. There is a transformation in the future as we re-view and re-state our concepts of earlier times.

Dan Brown’s new book, “The Lost Symbol”, reveals how our founders were thinking as they declared their independence from an outmoded way of governing. I enjoy Dan Brown’s writing and have found this latest book to be a “page-turner” that I devoured in a short time.

Another book we are studying now is also along those same historical revisioning lines. Bruce Lipton and Steve Bhaerman have written an evocative book entitled, “Spontaneous Evolution”. They are presenting leading-edge possibilities and a mind-expanding way of looking at our existence.

Most of my friends know that I am a “book-a-holic”. I make no apology since learning is one of my strengths. Today, I am deep into a little book by Mike Morrison, “The Other Side of the Card”. He is saying that we can find meaning in life and work.  His “me-we” philosophy is easy to grasp and makes lots of sense. This is a quick read and I recommend it for anyone who is in a leadership role (or aspiring to become a leader).

We are incomplete.  We can learn.  We can expand.  We can evolve.

written December 1, 2009 at 6:00 p.m.  here in Buda, TX.

Someone asked for my latest reading list. Here are the books Paul and I are studying these days:

1. Prairie Home Companion Pretty Good Joke Book for the laughs.

2. The Living Universe by Duane Elgin, which gets us into cosmic thinking.

3. The Spontaneous Healing of Beliefs by Gregg Braden provokes us to examine our beliefs.

4. The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson is her latest book on self-care and self-love.

5. The Heavens Declare, The Dove in the Stone, and The Web in the Sea by Alice O. Howell, whose lovely grandmotherly approach to all things of the soul are juicy treasures to read. She is my favorite Jungian writer on Astrology, which I am still studying. After 10 or more years, I know little.

6. In preparation for Laurence Hillman’s workshop at Red Corral Ranch in September, I am reviewing old books on Astrology: The New Way to Learn Astrology by Basil Fearrington and Intuitive Astrology by Elizabeth Rose Campbell. Alignments and Planets at Play by Laurence himself.

7. Living Your Strengths by Winseman and Clifton and How Full Is Your Bucket? By Don Clifton and Tom Rath, and Strengths Leadership by Rath are ongoing books I use in Strengths Coaching for Interface Flor, Inc.  and others.

8. The Dumbest Generation by Mark Bauerlein (How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future) is comfort for parents of the under 20-age group.

9. Excuses Begone! By Wayne Dyer summarizes what I am coming to believe—that our beliefs actually create our life. Another book that lead me to that thinking is The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton.

10. Breakthrough by Suzanne Somers enlightens us on the need for bio-identical hormone therapy.

11. If It’s Not Food, Don’t Eat It! Is a no-nonsense guide to an eating-for-health lifestyle, which we are attempting to follow.

That same person who asked about our reading list, wanted to know how we manage the time to read all these books. One of my top five Strengths is “learner” and that makes reading or any kind of knowledge very motivational to me. I hunger to learn and pursue learning like it is candy. So, any trip to a good bookstore is like a trip to a candy store. We have evolved into routines that support reading and study. Just as homework was a part of early school life, so the continual learning cycle is a daily process. Our schedule simply includes books. Some of the above we are literally reading to each other. Some we read in solitude. Our morning looks like this: 6:30 rise and shine, then our daily 7:00 a.m. apple and coffee or tea while we read and journal. Then breakfast and exercise. We both get to our work at around 9 or 10 a.m. Lunch is separate and on our own. Afternoons, Paul works on his Play Therapy project and I take calls. At 5:00 we stop for Happy Hour, which may be a glass of wine or cold water. The day ends with dinner and a walk around the neighborhood. Ideally we play a game of cards at 9 p.m. and go on to bed by 10:30.

So, there you have a day in the life of Paul and Marj Barlow at our new home in Buda, Texas. I would love to read about your day, also. I am so happy when I get to know you better. Thanks for reading this and I am hoping you will respond.

How is your portfolio doing?  If your 401K looks like mine, it has been severely reduced in the last few weeks.  I am looking at a different kind of portfolio.  This one is suggested in a brilliant new book, POSITIVITY, by Barbara Fredericks, Ph.D., who deals in research into positive psychology.  That is right down my alley, since I am totally convinced that the Strengths-Based approach is the best way to go through life.

The Economic Portfolio can be very different from an Emotional Portfolio.  What if you also kept files on your emotions?  And, especially on your positive emotions?  Fredericks shows us how to do that in her book.  So, I am today setting up an Emotional 401K, with shares that are named Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe, and Love.  Out of that will come more expansion in my mind and my imagination.  It will also bring forth more creativity, not to mention better feeling tones.  The charts can plot my experience on a daily, minute-by-minute flow.  Gratitude is easy to keep in the upper levels.  Amusement is a great emotional stock for everything tragic can also be quite comical.  Serenity can be purchased with meditative thinking….  You get the gist of this, I hope.

Make your own chart of emotions and remember, you can choose the positive ones.  All it takes is to change your thinking and your believing!  Yes, that’s hard to do, but in this day of worry and stress, it is worth the doing.

Most of our friends and family know that Paul and I read a lot of books.  Every day, we begin with our daily apple, green tea or coffee, and a delicious reading from many interesting books.  Yes, we read out loud to each other, and sometimes get caught in long discussions that make for a later breakfast.

I like Duane Elgin’s books.  Two of them are, “Promise Ahead” and “Voluntary Simplicity”.  In the first, he describes our evolutionary growth as a human species.  We are near the end of our adolescence and just might grow up in time to save our planet from an evolutionary crash.  He says we could even have an evolutionary bounce!  I like that and want to do my part in making sure we bounce instead of crash.

In Voluntary Simplicity, I like the questions on consumption:

1. Does what I own or buy induce and promote activity, self reliance and involvement, or does it invite passivity and dependence?

2. Are my consumption patterns providing basic satisfaction–or do I buy much that I don’t really need?

3. How tied are my job, my life, and my life style to installment payments, repairs and maintenance, costs, and the expectations of others?

4. Do I consider the impact of my consumption patterns to other people and the whole earth.

Thinking on these things, I came to a nice conclusion: Our life is active, involved, satisfying, and increasingly responsible in a sustainable way for this earth.  Nice to ponder what more we can do to add to sustainable living.