‘Interface’

July 3, 2010 “MRS. DUNWOODY”

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

Last week was a whirlwind of activity in Georgia.  I am privileged to continue my work as a Strengths coach and counselor to InterfaceFlor, Inc. Most of my work is on the telephone, by appointment, yet I love the times when I travel and can meet face-to-face with these friends.  When I go to the Interface facility in LaGrange, GA, I try to work in as many meetings and events as I can.  This trip was for another Tribal Gathering, this one for the hospitality industry.  We met wonderful people, all ages, and all facets of the hotel business and a good time was had by all.  The next day, I held several group meetings and our final day was a very satisfying meeting.  This was not a meeting-as-usual, but a “reflecting” with some 40 leaders in the Interface family.  I was gratified by the response of each individual, taking ownership and leadership in their own style and Strengths-Path.  As I move into my wise elder years, I feel confident in the next generations capability to craft the future, based on the best patterns from the past.

This post, today, is to pay tribute to Miriam Lukken.  I had the privilege of meeting her through Amy Lukken, my friend and colleague at Interface.  Miriam’s book, Mrs. Dunwoody’s Excellent Instructions for Homekeeping, was her gift to me.  I have been scanning and browsing this morning while Paul makes his broiled grapefruit for breakfast.  One quote that is so meaningful to me, I want to share with everyone:

“In a letter to a grandchild: Mrs. Dunwoody wrote, “Have nothing in your home that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.  Home is a sacred place for you and your family.  Home interprets heaven.  It is heaven for beginners.”

Living in hotel rooms for several days reminded me that we carry “home” with us wherever we are.  I always unpack and move in to the hotel room, making it home for the few days away.  That keeps a certain kind of helpful continuity in my life.  Returning to our home here in Buda, TX, I feel the joy of the heaven we have created here.  Heaven for beginners–that is what home is.

Thank you, Miriam, for your gift of writing your book, sharing the real truth of how we can live together, learning how to love, and creating “beginner’s heaven”.  Mrs. Dunwoody was a survivor-thriver of the war between the states, and I, a survivor of the great depression in the 30’s, share the belief that order and stability can be made through homekeeping.   “Keeper of the home” is a great aspiration for anyone, any gender, any age.  It allows us to thrive.

04/28/10 BELIEFS

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

A Review of the book, “The Spontaneous Healing of Belief” by Greg Braden

These are the laws Braden gives in his book. He says on page 30, “Every day we offer the literal input of our belief-commands to the consciousness of the universe, which translates our personal and collective instructions into the reality of our health, the quality of our relationships, and the peace of the world.”

I say that every thought reflects our beliefs, which amounts to a constant stream of intention, like prayers, which are answered according to the way they are given. If you believed that every thought was a prayer, then you might be willing to change your thoughts to be more in line with what you do want—not so much with what you don’t want. Beliefs are just thoughts we think a lot.

Beliefs are a powerful language, expressing our certainties. They come from our personal experience and express how we create our everyday reality. The anatomy of a belief is that it, first must be expressed through the medium of our bodies and it, second, must have the power to do something in our physical world. Beliefs lead to the way we think. Thoughts create what we feel. And, feelings motivate us to behave in certain ways, which reinforce our beliefs. So, it is important that you know what you believe. You can get a clear picture of that if you watch how you behave (words you speak, tone of voice, facial expression, body posture-gestures-movements). If I want to know what I truly believe, I must be aware of what I do, moment by moment.

I like the way these laws or codes from Braden’s book connect to our new computer age world. I hope you will get interested in reading his book. I would like to discuss these ideas with you, dear reader! Until you read the book, here is a summary of the codes.

Here they are:

Belief Code I

The focus of our attention, experiments show, can change reality itself and suggest that we live in an interactive universe.

II. We live our lives based on what we believe about our world, ourselves, our capabilities, and our limits.

III. Science is a language—one of many that describe us, the universe, our bodies, and how things work.

IV. If the particles that we are made of can be in instantaneous communication with one another, be in 2 places at once, and even change the past through choices made in the present, then we can as well.

V. Our beliefs have the power to change the flow of events in the universe—literally to interrupt and redirect time, matter, and space, and the events that occur within them.

VI. Just as we can run a simulated program that looks and feels real, studies suggest that the universe itself may be the output of a huge and ancient simulation—a computer program—that began long ago. If so, then to know the program’s code if to know the rules of reality itself.

VII. When we think of the universe as a program, atoms represent “bits” of information that work just the way familiar computer bits do. They are either “on” as physical matter or “off”, as invisible wave.

What is the universe computing? Itself.

VIII. Nature uses a few simple, self-similar, and repeating patterns—fractiles—to build atoms into familiar patterns of everything from elements and molecules to rocks, trees, and us.

XI. If the universe is made of repeating patterns, then to understand something on a small scale provides a powerful window into similar forms on a grand scale.

Atoms=bits

Reality=output

Consciousness=OS

Beliefs=programs

X. Belief is the “program” that creates patterns in reality.

XI. What we believe to be true in life, may be more powerful than what others accept as true.

XII. We must accept the power of belief to tap it in our lives.

XIII. Belief is defined as the certainty that comes from what we think is true, coupled with what we feel is true in our hearts.

XIV. Belief is expressed in the heart, where our experiences are translated into the electrical and magnetic waves that interact with the physical world.

XV. Beliefs, and the feelings that we have about them, are the language that “speaks” to the quantum stuff that makes our reality.

XVI. The subconscious mind is larger and faster than the conscious mind, and can account for as much as 90% of our activity each day. E.g. breathing, digestion

XVII. Many of our most deeply held beliefs are subconscious and begin when our brain state allows us to absorb the ideas of others (before the age of 7).

XVIII. In our greatest challenges of life, we often find that our deeply hidden beliefs are exposed and available for healing.

XIX. Our beliefs about unresolved hurt can create physical effects with the power to damage or even kill us.

XX. When our soul hurts, our pain is transmitted into the body as the spiritual quality of the life that we feed into each child.

XXI. The same principles that allow us to hurt ourselves into death also work in reverse, allowing us to heal ourselves into life.

XXII. Our belief in one force for everything that happens in the world, or our belief in two opposite and opposing forces (good vs. evil) plays out in our experience of life, health, relationships, and abundance.

XXIII. To heal the ancient battle between darkness and light, we may find that it is less about defeating one or the other, and more about choosing our relationship to both.

XXIV. A miracle that is possible for anyone is possible for everyone.

XXV. In a participatory reality, we are creating our experience as well as experiencing what we have created.

XXVI. In 1998, scientists discovered that photons are experienced just by being watched and discovered. They further discovered, that the more intense the watching, the greater the watchers influence on how the particles behaved.

XXVII. The prime rule of reality is that we must become, in our lives, what we choose to experience in the world.

XXVIII. We tend to experience in life what we identify with in our beliefs.

XXIX. For different reasons that reflect the variations in the way we learn, both logic and miracles give us the way into the deepest recesses of our beliefs.

XXX. To change our beliefs through the logic of our minds, we must convince ourselves of a new possibility through inarguable facts that lead to an inescapable conclusion.

XXXI. The power of a miracle is that we don’t have to understand why it works. We must, however, be willing to accept what it brings to our lives. The spontaneous healing of belief: love fearlessly and share unselfishly. Miracles can happen. We are the seeds of miracles.

Our job is to look into the world for reasons for new beliefs. Our work is to discover our world and then, with all our heart, give ourselves to it.

Love with all our heart, soul, and mind. Love fearlessly. Share unselfishly. Transformation happens through the power of our beliefs.

02/07/10: YOU AS LEADER

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

You As Leader

I have been thinking about this idea today.  Think of all the people in your life that you would label “Leader”…..

Next, describe how you think they are doing.  Go for the best praise and the lowest criticism for each one of them.  Take time to do this and be as honest as you can in your assessment of each one.

Now, ask yourself about your own view of yourself.  Are you a leader?  Whom do you lead?  Am I a leader?  Whom do I lead?   My answer is yes to all those questions.  You are a leader and I am a leader.  Each one of us leads.

Here is what I cannot escape as a conclusion.  We are all leaders.  We lead someone.  Primarily, we lead ourselves.  Each one of us is different and we lead humanity toward some evolutionary progress.  Or, we don’t.  Each one of us has the capacity to forward our expansive evolutionary journey as a species called human; each one of us has the capacity to delay that expansion.  Expansion is the true name of the game.  We are expanding and we will continue to expand.  They tell us the Universe herself is expanding.  The upward spiral is ever up and ever broadening.  (We need good “shrinks” to help us grasp this concept.)

Now look at the list you made of leaders.  Are they Presidents (of country or company)?  Are they living or dead; male or female; old or young?  Be in the zone of what I call “merciless self awareness”.  Ask what you are revealing to yourself.  What you see, what you react to, what you think-feel-do-believe is all here for your observation.  I hope you keep your observation objective and benign.  No self-downing, please.  Just go for the awareness of who you are and how you behave today, right here and right now.

Here’s where the moment of contrast is faced.  As within, so without.  “As a man thinketh….”  This is the Come to Jesus moment of self awareness.  Prepare to face your own self-constructed reality.  Ready?  Set?  Go!

Using your keen self-awareness, own your own projections.  Look at your lists and say, “I am like that, too.”  We see our named leaders through the lens of our own perception; through the filters of our own experience; through the life script we are living.  And we are the author, actor, and audience of the life script.  The good news here is that we can take charge of the script.

Do you ever find yourself praising or criticizing your very own self for the same characteristics you attributed to those leaders you named?  Are you even harder on yourself than you are on your manager, your boss, your company leader, your president???

What if the one person we actually lead day in and day out is number one—yourself–myself?  What if we saw the dual roles operating within us—both leader and follower.  What if we supported that internal follower with good thoughts and high acceptance?  What if I looked on myself as a follower who needs a compassionate, caring, mindful, and, yes, happy leader?  This is like self-re-parenting.  Taking charge and providing the parenting that our birth parents couldn’t or wouldn’t do, is our responsibility as well as our right as leaders of our own destiny.

Can I be a leader and be happy?  I think we cannot justify or logically support any opinion as making us happy or sad; nothing outside us makes us full of joy or full of despair.  Your job is not the culprit; your spouse or your spice is not the cause; your outside world does not dictate the experience of your inside world.  The greatest power you possess is here in this concept.  You have choices about how you respond to your life experiences.

Being a leader of one is possible.  Being happy is possible.  My job doesn’t really make me happy nor does it make me full of despair.  Nothing outside the realm of my own thought system makes me feel anything.  This is a belief that is both frightening and freeing.  It is the good news and it is the bad news.  I and I, alone, own what I believe, what I think, what I feel, and what I do.  Today, I am convinced this is true for you, too.

Therefore, we can choose to take charge of our thinking and, ultimately, take charge of our believing.  Belief creates reality.  My conclusion, on this seventh day of February, 2010, is that I am the only one in charge of my beliefs and my thoughts.  My feelings are the indicator of whether I am leading myself in the most beneficial directions.   My feelings are the gauge of whether I am operating from my native talents—my strengths—or whether I am playing the old games and being a victim of Life.  If I am in the Victim role, I will cast my leaders on the outside as my Persecutors or as my Rescuers.  Therefore, the neurotic games can continue.  (Rarely have I seen anyone cast their boss as the Victim!)

My beliefs are the prognosticator of whether I experience abundance, love, and success.  Yes, believing makes it so.  Beliefs create experience.

As Harry Palmer, the founder of Avatar, says, “If you don’t believe this to be true, you will experience it as false, which proves that the belief creates the experience!”

So, as of this moment, I send all those who are in positions of leadership my most compassionate, prayerful thoughts for their success, their embracing of abundance instead of scarcity, and their discovery of the power of Love.

I accept my expansive possibilities for more wisdom in my beliefs.  I embrace the people in my world as the genius provocateurs of my growth.  And, I thank every one of them for the contrast, the turning points, and the climb to the next level on my journey of self-discovery; self-ownership; and self-creation.

The Fifth Agreement

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

I am a fan of Don Miguel Ruiz.  We have followed the philosophy in his “Four Agreements” for many years.  Today as a new year begins, it seems fitting to recommend his next book, The Fifth Agreement.  The concept, according to Ruiz and his son Jose, is that everything we do is based on agreements we have made — agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, and with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. With these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.  His idea of agreements corresponds to my notion of beliefs.  Now he is adding an agreement that is dear to my heart.  As an advocate of deep listening, this fifth agreement is right down my alley of beliefs.   I am copying words written in the advertising promotion, which is a quick and easy way to review all five:

First,
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Second,
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Third,
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Fourth,
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Fifth,
BE SKEPTICAL, BUT LEARN TO LISTEN
Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.
The Four Agreements slowly helps you to recover your authentic Self, and the real you starts to awaken. With The Fifth Agreement comes the complete acceptance of yourself just the way you are, and the complete acceptance of everybody else just the way they are. The reward is your eternal happiness. The Fifth Agreement is made with words, of course, but its meaning and intent is beyond the words. The Fifth Agreement is ultimately about seeing your whole reality with the eyes of truth, without words.

Make the Five Agreements your way of life — love yourself, enjoy life, and make your personal world a dream of heaven. And, by changing your world, you are changing the world.

As don Miguel says, “By practicing the Five Agreements, what you are really doing is respecting everything in creation. You are respecting your dream; you are respecting everybody else’s dream. If you use these tools, your effort is really for everyone, because your joy, your happiness, your peace, and your heaven are contagious. When you are happy, the people around you are happy too, and it inspires them to change their own world.”

This way of life is entirely possible, and it’s in your hands. The change begins with you. Why not start now?

My hope is that your 2010 will be the best ever and that you will make good use of anything that promotes your spiral of growth, including this new book, The Five Agreements.

MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

Christmas Eve, 2009, and I, as usual, am at a loss as to what to give to my family and friends.  We have our same old Christmas tree in a corner in this new house.  Paul and I have loaded it with toys.  So, each family member will have a toy when we have our Christmas dinner.  We are planning a turkey on December 28 so that all the family can celebrate together.  When there are five children and other families to consider, we have found that the “one day” concept may not be the most workable.  So, any time during the twelve days of Christmas will do for a great family celebration.

In keeping with the idea that all of us have Strengths, I decided that I could give more intangible gifts.  The things we purchase may not be on target and they become something to decide about later–do we give it on to someone else, donate it to a charitable cause, display it when it doesn’t fit the decor, wear it when it is not desired, or treasure it forever (which means more storage space)–what to do with all these things?  I think about that when I am trying to choose the right gift for others.  Doesn’t seem to be in my talent bank.  One of my daughters has the perfect sense of what to give, but I missed that when they were creating my list of talents.

One of my sons said he is giving only consumable items this year.  I like that idea, too.  Eat it up, use it up, or let it die.  No extra closet space needed when fresh flowers or fruit are the gift.

Whatever we decide about the material side of the season, the essence of what it is all about seems to lead me back to the positive side of life and my real belief in the optimistic story of the Baby Jesus and the meaning of His teaching.

I have written my version of the twelve days of Christmas as my gift to each of my family members and my friends.  Please know that I mean it when I say, I will give each of these items.  You won’t have to return them, re-gift them, display them, or store them.  They will be intangible and consumable.  You may redeem your gift throughout the year 2010, with my blessing.  I am honored to be in your life and your sacred Individuality is important to me.

Sing these words to the tune of the traditional Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the first day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

A gift of a loving friendship

On the second day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Two hours of listening

On the third day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Three good book titles

On the Fourth day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Four coaching sessions

On the Fifth day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Five thoughts of Love

On the Sixth day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Six bright ideas

On the Seventh day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Seven soft shoulders

On the Eighth day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Eight meals of kindness

On the Ninth day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Nine walks together

On the Tenth day of Christmas,

Marj Barlow sent to me

Ten games of your choice

On the Eleventh day of Christmas

Marj Barlow sent to me

Eleven music sharings

On the Twelfth day of Christmas

Marj Barlow sent to me

Twelve drumming circles.

Enjoy your family and celebrate this blessed season!