Marjorie R. Barlow, Ph.D.

Consider the circle.  That shape has been a universal symbol for God.  It suggests the infinite, never-ending inclusion of all.  Many years ago, I learned to deliver a curriculum, “Magic Circle”, to schools. It was designed by Dr. Valo Palomares and his ex-wife, Geraldine.  The structured circle sessions helped children feel at home in the affective domain–the world of feelings.  From that training in Magic Circle and my own doctoral dissertation (an experiment about emotions and our language of origin), I came to value the use of a circle as a place for groups to participate.  My Women’s Wisdom group always sits in a circle.  Each gets a fair share of the time, there are no “put-downs” and we listen to each other respectfully.  So, I recommend that you hold meetings in the circle, much like the legend of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.  There is a chance we can create Camelot again.  It works in families, in churches, and in business meetings.

To illustrate the circle model, imagine a group of adults gathered together.  The subject can be any current crisis/opportunity.  Whatever the subject these two questions set the stage for discussion:   

Where have we been and where are we going?

What is the future that wants to emerge?

Background thoughts:  Our view of the world has changed.  All our opportunities are now global.  Seeing our circular Planet Earth from the moon gave us a new image of the fragile nature of our world and the enormous responsibility we have as humans who make conscious choices. We have become an Earth tribe.

We humans have a propensity to higher consciousness and greater freedom. We naturally tend to expand. We are quite possibly evolving evolution. Today, this means expansion of ideas through awareness of the connectedness of all life. Global reality and global crisis requires that we look for newness to emerge; that we learn from failure and move toward best practices and solutions.

We are serving the needs of future generations—tomorrow’s children. We can use sustainable methods. From the past, we have an example: the Iroquois nation brought peace among warring tribes through such a meeting of leaders. They sat in a circle where each was given time to talk and the others listened respectfully (Benjamin Franklin reported how remarkable was their deep listening—“not at all like the British House of Commons where everyone shouts and interrupts”). At the end of the meeting of the tribal council, they had found new solutions, which brought them to their objective—peaceful co-existence.

We are moving from an age of power and control into an expanded, advanced age of emergence and creativity. So, we are asking your answer to the question: “What is the future that wants to emerge?”

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world—indeed it is the only thing that ever has.”–Margaret Mead

Conversations in an atmosphere of acceptance and safety will inspire creativity. Creativity becomes contagious and serves the common good better than guilt or fear. The structure is circular—a round table—where all are equal and welcome.

In this circle, all are included and all are valued. The take-away will be known only after we have offered our ideas. The solutions are heretofore unknown and undefined. This is emergent phenomenon and it will by definition be creative. Our takeaways will be what we have generated together in these few hours of our time together in dialogue. Each speaker will present ideas and best practices. Each will challenge you, the listeners, with questions. These questions will stimulate our design iterations.

Perspectives: How does Nature create and emerge in ongoing evolution?

What designs do we need that will create a habitat for learning?

How can we best use the leading edge technology toward planetary connectedness ?

What changes must we make individually and internally to foster a new business culture that includes social sustainability?

A Learning organization is an organization with Positive Identity. Certain elements are needed to create positive identity for both organizations and individuals. These come to my mind, using the pattern of my “Lifelong Compass of Joy”……

I.  Authenticity (this means growth that follows a spiral of development from asleep to    aware to awake to alive to attracting to allowing to authentic beingness). For one person or a whole organization, it means to “Show Up”.

II. Cooperation (this includes the art and science of deep listening and inclusion with overtones of caring rather than competition based in fear of loss). It means we can “Listen Up”,

III. Creative Leadership (I like theory U by Otto Scharmer.  It involves the art and science of “presencing” with open mind, open heart, open will). So, releasing our creativity, we can “Open Up”.

IV. Evolutionary Growth (Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, this is based in the theory of dissipative structures with vibrant resilience in the face of change. New belief and new thought: Old structures die away and are replaced with something better. We are incomplete. We are experimenting. We have not been wrong. We are just not done yet.)  We build on what has gone before as we  “Grow Up”.

V. Nature’s Wisdom (We learn from Mother nature, who creates by playfully “mucking about”…a general lightness of being without judgment and atmosphere of fun, with useful recycling of good ideas.) Ancient wisdom suggests that we can have fun and enjoy every day.  We can play and we can “Lighten Up”.

VI. Learning (Knowledge and skills are important learnings.  And, both optimism and hope are learned; positivity is learned; transformational leadership is learned).  We can see through new eyes and we can  “Wise Up”.

VII. Positive Relationships (Organizations and individuals in relationship to self and others can pursue the basics of learning to love one another….expressing acceptance, approval, awareness, affection), allowing us to  “Link Up”.

VIII. Work and Reputation (Our work is our legacy or contribution to the family, the community, and the world). We can “Offer Up”.

Transformational Leadership is true “Social Artistry” and might be the secret to Social Sustainability. Such leaders are “Paradigm Pioneers”. We are at the beginning of a new age and ready for a transformative industrial revolution. We are a global village with interlinking lives and the future is one that will affect all life on this planet.  No matter how small your sphere of operation, you can be a leader.

I think of Ben Zander’s book, “The Art of Leadership” and his idea that you can lead from any chair. Just as the 7^th chair violinist is a leader of self, so can every individual rise to that kind of transformation. It requires diligent self –awareness and self-responsibility. Maturity implies autonomy. I think of this as Self Sustainability.  From the inside out, we build and we grow.

Regarding maturity, I don’t know any better way to encourage and foster maturity than through relationships with attitudes of inclusion rather than judgment or condemnation. We are all one and we are all involved in the rise or fall of our species. When the sense of belonging is strong, the personal responsibility for success of the system seems to follow. The old thinking about cause and effect and asking “Why?” kept us in the cycle of finding who is to blame and then complain as if that will solve anything. It only beats the drum of blaming and complaining, which becomes the unstated vision or goal. Humanity has perfected that particular goal so we are very adept at blaming and complaining. Hence, we answer most feed-back with defensiveness or offensiveness. It implies a war or a battle with winners and losers. Truth is, we are all in this together.

If each one of us can grasp that we are both/and individual and collective, we will begin to take rightful ownership for the plight we are in and its solution. Best analogy of this is from Alice O. Howell. She says, “It’s as if each of us lives in a separate bubble submerged in an ocean. Inside the bubble is water and outside the bubble is water, but our separate reality is limited to the water within our own bubble. However, when something affects the water outside, it simultaneously affects the water inside all the bubbles. But in our own bubbles we feel isolated and different from everything outside our own sphere. The underlying unity remains elusive at the experiential level.”

I would add that we are capable of recognizing that we pollute the water in our own bubble with every negative thought. That negative emotion not only affects the water in our own bubble, it vibrates and radiates negativity into the whole ocean around us. So, I ask people to consider that negative emotions are a signal, an internal guidance system that suggests we are using our personal power in a detrimental way. Authenticity lends itself to a feeling of being “on-track” in our life journey. Negative emotions signal that we are “off-track”.

Leadership begins from within and the best, perhaps the only, way to build a positive identity for an organization is to begin with number one—with each individual team member, all the way to the last employee. “Brighten the corner where we are and let our light shine” become the guiding principles for change and for resilience in the face of downturns. Hope, optimism, future visions, and positive identity start with this seed from every individual person, no matter what age, stage, or position they are in.

I don’t ever give up and I have hope for all individuals. Skills required to do such things as “twittering” are learnable, but require some amount of personal security to risk putting oneself “out there”. (I might add that the risk is worth it because it means admitting that we all belong and all the challenges are ours—not someone else’s.) Understanding generational differences helps. Transformational Leadership requires belief systems that allow for new “forms” that transcend the old ones.

Simply stated, we can “Show Up, Listen Up, Open Up, Grow Up, Lighten Up, Wise Up, Link Up, and Offer Up”.

I usually close with “I have upped my life—Up Yours!”

Someone asked for my latest reading list. Here are the books Paul and I are studying these days:

1. Prairie Home Companion Pretty Good Joke Book for the laughs.

2. The Living Universe by Duane Elgin, which gets us into cosmic thinking.

3. The Spontaneous Healing of Beliefs by Gregg Braden provokes us to examine our beliefs.

4. The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson is her latest book on self-care and self-love.

5. The Heavens Declare, The Dove in the Stone, and The Web in the Sea by Alice O. Howell, whose lovely grandmotherly approach to all things of the soul are juicy treasures to read. She is my favorite Jungian writer on Astrology, which I am still studying. After 10 or more years, I know little.

6. In preparation for Laurence Hillman’s workshop at Red Corral Ranch in September, I am reviewing old books on Astrology: The New Way to Learn Astrology by Basil Fearrington and Intuitive Astrology by Elizabeth Rose Campbell. Alignments and Planets at Play by Laurence himself.

7. Living Your Strengths by Winseman and Clifton and How Full Is Your Bucket? By Don Clifton and Tom Rath, and Strengths Leadership by Rath are ongoing books I use in Strengths Coaching for Interface Flor, Inc.  and others.

8. The Dumbest Generation by Mark Bauerlein (How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future) is comfort for parents of the under 20-age group.

9. Excuses Begone! By Wayne Dyer summarizes what I am coming to believe—that our beliefs actually create our life. Another book that lead me to that thinking is The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton.

10. Breakthrough by Suzanne Somers enlightens us on the need for bio-identical hormone therapy.

11. If It’s Not Food, Don’t Eat It! Is a no-nonsense guide to an eating-for-health lifestyle, which we are attempting to follow.

That same person who asked about our reading list, wanted to know how we manage the time to read all these books. One of my top five Strengths is “learner” and that makes reading or any kind of knowledge very motivational to me. I hunger to learn and pursue learning like it is candy. So, any trip to a good bookstore is like a trip to a candy store. We have evolved into routines that support reading and study. Just as homework was a part of early school life, so the continual learning cycle is a daily process. Our schedule simply includes books. Some of the above we are literally reading to each other. Some we read in solitude. Our morning looks like this: 6:30 rise and shine, then our daily 7:00 a.m. apple and coffee or tea while we read and journal. Then breakfast and exercise. We both get to our work at around 9 or 10 a.m. Lunch is separate and on our own. Afternoons, Paul works on his Play Therapy project and I take calls. At 5:00 we stop for Happy Hour, which may be a glass of wine or cold water. The day ends with dinner and a walk around the neighborhood. Ideally we play a game of cards at 9 p.m. and go on to bed by 10:30.

So, there you have a day in the life of Paul and Marj Barlow at our new home in Buda, Texas. I would love to read about your day, also. I am so happy when I get to know you better. Thanks for reading this and I am hoping you will respond.

KINSHIP 

I am aware, 

As I go commonly sweeping the stair, 

Doing my part of the every-day care — 

Human and simple my lot and my share —
I am aware of a marvelous thing:
Voices that murmur and ethers that ring
In the far stellar spaces where cherubim sing. 

I am aware of the passion that pours 

Down the channels of fire through Infinity's doors;
Forces terrific, with melody shod.
Music that mates with the pulses of God. 

I am aware of the glory that runs 

From the core of myself to the core of the suns.
Bound to the stars by invisible chains.
Blaze of eternity now in my veins.
Seeing the rush of ethereal rains 

Here in the midst of the every-day air — 

I am aware. 

I am aware,
As I sit quietly here in my chair.
Sewing or reading or braiding my hair — 

Human and simple my lot and my share —
I am aware of the systems that swing 

Through the aisles of creation on heavenly wing,
I am aware of a marvelous thing: 

Trail of the comets in furious flight, 

Thunders of beauty that shatter the night,
Terrible triumph of pageants that march
To the trumpets of time through Eternity's arch. 

I am aware of the splendor that ties 

All the things of the earth with the things of the
skies,
Here in my body the heavenly heat.
Here in my flesh the melodious beat
Of the planets that circle Divinity's feet. 

As I sit silently here in my chair, 

I am aware.

LMNOP  (I love the alphabet)

I had a really big experience this week.  Interface Flor brought me in to New York for some workshops on “How Full Is Your Bucket?”    The Interface showroom is a beautiful facility with great design and all the stunning new products displayed.  That, in itself, was a treat.  The new carpet tiles are so beautiful and still are meeting the Zero Footprint goal of environmental Sustainability.  Congratulations to David Oakey and his design team.  I especially admired the pattern called “Vermont”.  Beautiful!!

But, the real reason I am writing is to tell you about an organization that I learned about during the meetings.   People have been losing jobs all across the country.  This story is about a group that came together in New York to meet the crucial need of some of those people who are without employment temporarily.  Specifically, these are designers and architects willing to help each other in the down-turn of this economic time.

LMNOP is the result of the innovative brainstorming of that small group.  I met several of them on this trip and wish I could meet all of them, for they are the kind of people who face “what is” and meet the need, no matter what their own discouraging situation might be.  That is the kind of pluck and courage that impresses everyone.  Kristen Mucci and co-founder Stephanie Chiuminatto were there at the beginning of LMNOP, along with the other co-founder, Jennifer Graham.  These women were at an event where they joined in the sharing of their loss of jobs.  As a result of that conversation, they came up with this stunning idea, “Why not create an organization where we can help one another while we are looking for work?”   After brainstorming awhile (wish I knew all the details of the birth of this project), they arrived at the brilliant idea–naming it LMNOP.  The acronym stands for Leadership, Mentoring, Networking, Opportunity for A&D Professionals.  You may know how much I love the alphabet, so this is the greatest idea ever, to me!  (Also, my new great grandson is named Lawson Paul, so that spans the series of letters from L to P.  Really hit me hard as a great thing.)

They are talking now of making it a non-profit organization, where people in the Architecture and Design Industry can turn to one another for help.  When you want to learn; when you need a mentor; when you want to spread the word about what you do; or when you want to search out new opportunities for jobs and services, LMNOP is there for you.

I grew up in the great depression and this is reminding me of the ways in which families, friends, and communities “made do” with what was, and we all got through it by being in it together.

We ARE all in it together.  If my neighbor is unemployed; if my friend has a need; if my family calls, then I am called to respond.  That’s the way I want to be.

One other conversation on this trip was interesting for me:  Someone asked if the Strengths based approach to life means that I can like everybody.  I respect such a question for it sort of suggests that my beliefs might be more like PollyAnna wearing rose colored glasses and not facing up to the hard facts of reality .  My reply was that I am a person who wants to “like”.  In other words, I do not want my credo, or my beliefs, or my manner of being, to be determined by someone else’s behavior.  So, whenever someone seems to be unlikeable, I go to that place of decision and choice.  I ask myself, how do I want to respond to this person?  My answer is that I want to be in the mode of liking–meaning, I want to give the benefit of the doubt without judgment.  I want to be coming from a loving heart, not a suspicious mind.  And, I have come to believe that when someone is being unlikeable, it usually means that they are off-track in their own purpose in life.  Being likeable or lovable is not the same as having to compulsively please everyone.  The neurotic drivers to be pleasing, be strong, or be perfect are conditions for false well-being.  Surely, I don’t have to convince you that you won’t please everyone, you are OK even if you are weak, and you can give up needing to be perfect.  It is really OK to make mistakes.  As Abraham-Hicks tells us, we weren’t wrong or bad, we just weren’t done yet.  So, every moment is a new beginning.

As a bonus, I discovered at the end of our meeting that Stephanie Chiuminatto, co-founder of LMNOP, is from Kingsville, TX.  I lived there many years and knew Stephanie’s grandparents and her parents!  I can remember that little girl, Stephanie, who now has grown up and is pursuing her career in New York City.  A small world!  Less than 3 degrees to that connectedness with each other.  We really are all in this together.